Red Vest, Green Vest
by SciFanGurl1990
Summary: Before engaging in a game of laser tag, Spock and Bones get into an arguement over the colored vests. Two-Shot. :Bones & Spock Humor: Established K/S. Now the chapter of the actual game is POSTED!
1. Chapter 1

**Red Vest, Green Vest**

**Genre: Humor/General**

**Rated: K**

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Summary: Right before partaking in a game of laser tag, Spock and Bones get into an argument.

A/N: I'm baaaack! Haha. Yes, so I had this really weird dream where Kirk has fallen to the ground, and Spock's going all crazy, holding him close and stuff...only to realise they were playing laser tag!! XD So, I fgured a story was in order. Just so you know; this little one-shot is NOT a rendition of my dream; it's just a comical arguement between Bones and Spock before they actually begin the game. ^_^

**Disclaimer: Dang it, Star Trek does NOT belong to me...*sniffle***

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"...Spock, you can be on the green team." Bones said, holding out the black vest with the green laser target on it to the Vulcan. Spock looked down at the vest, and then back up. He blinked his dark eyes at the doctor, as if to say _"do you practice being that stupid, or does it come naturally?"_. Then he turned his head to look at Jim, who was too busy putting on his own vest to notice the direction of Spock's gaze.

Spock's face twisted very slightly into a frown, and he turned back to look at Bones, pointedly.

"Jim has a red vest," he said, as if that was supposed to mean something.

Bones just stared at Spock, not comprehending. All of the others were in the process of putting on their vests, and here the Vulcan was, holding them up. Damned hobgoblin.

"So?" said Bones, trying his best to keep the impatience out of his voice. His efforts were wasted, because his voice still came out sounding curt and sharp. Spock raised an eyebrow, and slid his hands behind his back, clasping them together.

"Is not the purpose of this activity to 'shoot' the opponents as many times as possible, in order to obtain points, that would allow the individual who has claimed the most, to win?" Spock inquired.

Bones nodded slowly. "Yes..." he said, as if talking to a child, still not understanding the point of this conversation.

Spock continued on, drawing the curious eyes of Uhura and Scotty, who were both wearing green vest, like Bones.

"And if I were to wear the green vest, that would require I 'shoot' all of those wearing red vests?"

Bones didn't even try to fight his urge of rolling his eyes.

"Yes, Spock. It's good to know you know the rules. How about you put on the damned vest so we can actually _begin _the game?" he all but hissed. Spock just looked at him coolly.

"I cannot accept that vest." He said firmly.

Bones took a deep breath, in order to keep in his curses that were dying to get out.

"And why not?" he asked between grinded teeth.

"Because Jim has a red vest." he said simply. By now, everyone had crowded around Bones and Spock, each wearing a face betraying their amusement. Jim, however, had gotten his vest straps all tangled up, so he was busy trying to untangle them, oblivious to the "debate" going on between his friend and bondmate.

Bones let out a sigh, and dropped his hand to his side, tired of having to hold it out.

"So what that Jim has a red vest?" Bones said.

"If I were to wear the green vest, I would be required to shoot anyone wearing a red vest."

"We've been over that Spock," Bones grounded out. "That is the purpose of the game; you shoot the opposite color. So what's _the freakin' problem?!"_

"Jim is wearing a red vest."

Bones palmed his face.

"So...?" he said. He heard a faint giggle, and his eyes cut to Uhura, who had her head resting on Sulu's shoulder as she tried desperately to keep in her laughter. Scotty had a hand over his mouth, and Chekov and Sulu had similar grins on their faces. Jim now had the owner of the shop standing behind him trying to help him untangle his knotted up vest, not paying the least bit of attention to the animosity between the doctor and First Officer.

Bones narrowed his eyes, feeling his blood pressure rising.

Goodness gracious, arguing with Spock was like running in circles; there was no _end_ to it.

"What does Jim wearing a red vest have to do with anything?" he snapped.

"I cannot wear that vest; it would require I shoot Jim." Spock said.

There was complete silence as Bones just stared at Spock.

"Are. You. Serious?" he said.

"Very," Spock looked calmly back at him, and Bones saw that he was, indeed, serious.

Bones cursed.

"Dammit, Spock. This is a _game. _You would not actually be _shooting _Jim for real. It won't even hurt him." Bones said.

"Nevertheless, game or no, I will not shoot my bondmate."

"But it's a _game _Spock. Not. Real. So take the damned green vest." He shoved it out at Spock.

"I cannot; Jim is wearing a red vest." Spock insisted.

Bones just about had a stroke.

"Damn you, Spock. Why can't you just take-"

"Is everything alright here?" came Jim's perplexed voice. Bones and Spock simultaneously turned their eyes to Jim, to see him now in a green vest. At their confused looks, he elaborated.

"The red vest was broken, so it looks like I'm on the green team." he said with a flourish, giving them both a wide smile.

"Well that's too bad, because Spock here won't-" Bones' words were cut off when he felt the vest being pulled out of his hands. He turned to look at Spock, as he gracefully put on the vest.

"Oh, _now _you're wearing the green vest?!" he all but shouted, beyond ticked off. Jim looked at Bones as if he were going crazy, while everyone else were laughing aloud.

"Yes. Jim is wearing a green vest." Spock said, as if that explained everything.

And, to everyone around him, it made sense.

To Bones, he just wanted to punch a hole through the wall. Damned hobgoblin.

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A/N: I don't know why I posted a Bones/Spock argument story...it's just as I stared to typing it...the words started to flow, and I couldn't stop. How did you like it? I hope I got the two in character. I find I have as much joy writing a weird Bones & Spock twisted friendship story, as I do writing a Spock/Kirk romance one. Strange...

A/N2: I have two request stories that I am working on now, but another story is also in the making; this will likely be Full Length (whatever _that_ means)...and features a nonhuman!Kirk. Of course, it's not set in stone and I may not finish it, but rest assured I will be posting more one-shots to fill you awesome people up. :)

P.S.

If you want me to post an additional chapter to this, where they're actually playing the laser tag, let me know in a review or PM me. I only ask this, so you are aware that if I DO post the story, it will change the category from Bones/Spock Humor to Kirk/Spock Romance/Humor. Or, I could just post it as another story, to go sidelong with this one. ;P Let me know what you think! ^_^


	2. Chapter 2

**Red Vest, Green Vest**

**Genre: Humor/General**

**Rated: K**

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Summary: Part Two, people. Enjoy.

A/N: Who am I to ignore people's pleas for hilarious chaos and mayhem?! ^_~

**Disclaimer: Dang it, Star Trek does NOT belong to me...I'm going to go mourn my loss in a corner.**

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Only five minutes into the game, and Bones just _knew _he had to mess with Spock's mind. After all, it would only be fair to get him back for annoying him with the vests. And now that Bones, himself, was wearing red, he got a sense of satisfaction that he could torment Spock. All he had to do was threaten Spock's only weakness: Jim.

As he ran through the dark hallways of the arcade, which had its walls decorated in glow-in-the-dark star stickers (who did that anymore?), breathing softly, he held up his fake red laser gun. 21st century music was blasting through the speakers, playing some old song titled, "Bodies Hit the Floor". It was grating on Bones' nerves, but he had to admit that he found it fitting for a game in which you had to shoot opponents in order to win.

From just around the corner of the wall to his left, Bones could make out the voices of one Jim Kirk and Spock.

His eyes narrowed, and he supressed his feelings of elation. Perfect.

Tiptoe-ing as softly as he could, he edged to the corner of the wall, and peeked around. A few feet down the corridor, which then led through a large black archway, stood Jim and Spock. Bones eyebrows shot upwards, as he took in the scene.

Jim was in a battle stance, looking every which way, as if he was seriously engaged in battle, and Spock was as tense as a drawn bowstring, standing in front of Jim as if to shield him from any and all possible danger. Bones had to strain to hear what they were saying, over the music.

"...really, Spock. Don't worry about me; I got this," Jim was insisting, and Bones saw he tried to flash one of his grins at the hobgoblin. But Spock's face remained hard-pressed, and he gazed at Jim with such intense adoration and fierce, unwavering devotion (that he only showed to Jim when he thought no one was around), that for a second, Bones almost felt bad for what he was about to do.

Almost.

"Jim, I cannot allow any harm to come to you; do not ask me to do so." Spock said, and Bones watched as Jim reached out and placed a hand on Spock's shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

"It's just a game," he said softly, as if reassuring a scared child that there was no boogeyman. "I won't get hurt. Besides; how could I if it's all fake?"

"I am most certain you, of all people, would find a way." Spock said, and Bones just about had a heart attack when he saw that in answer to Jim's suddenly blinding grin at Spock's comment, _Spock grinned back._

It wasn't a huge, wide, show-all-your-teeth grin. More like a sight upifting of the corner of his mouth, with his eyes crinkling at the corners a bit. A very small change in his face, and it only lasted for a nanosecond, but Bones was absolutely positive it'd been there.

_Well I'll be damned, the green blooded bastard _can _show emotion when he wants to! _Bones was amazed. He watched as Spock regarded Jim carefully, before stretching out his hand, and in a very quick movement, grazed his thumb along Jim's cheek and down the outline of his jaw. His hand continued to fall, trailing down Jim's shoulder and arm, and Jim's arm came up in a tandem, almost synchronized, to have his fingers intertwine with Spock's. Spock's thumb rubbed back and forth over Jim's knuckles, and Jims face lit up into a smile so bright, it could have put the sun to shame.

To anyone passing by, it would look as if Spock and Kirk were holding hands for the sake of holding hands, but Bones knew it meant more. And with the _looks _they were giving each other; Bones had to turn away to give them a moment of privacy.

As if he really wanted to see that in the first place.

"I'll be _fine," _Jim insisted with a surprising amount of patience in his voice.

"I will hold you to your word." Spock replied. There was a moment of silence, and when Bones turned back around, he saw that Spock was nowhere to be seen, and Jim was going down a corridor to his right, which was connected to the archway.

With an evil grin, Bones followed him.

---

Following a safe distance behind his friend, Bones was delighted to see that becasue of the loud music, Jim couldn't hear him trailing. Now all he had to do was spring a surprise...

The perfect moment came when Jim had let down his quard and was looking around the corner at something, his arms falling down to his sides. Feeling stupid and silly at the same time, Bones raised his laser gun, and pressed it against Jim's temple.

Jim froze.

"Move, and it'll be the last thing you'll ever do," Bones said, keeping his voice low and threatening, even though all he wanted to do was burst out laughing. Luckily enough, Jim seemed to be caught up in the spirit, and began to play along.

"What do you want?"

Bones pretended to think for a second.

"Drop your weapon."

"You just said not to move," Jim retorted. Damn, even in a play fight, he had to be stubborn. Bones grinned.

"Drop it now, or I'll blow your brains out," He pressed the laser gun a little harder at Jim's head, and Jim winced in effect, and actually dropped the gun.

"You don't want to do this," Jim said, and Bones could see he was trying to fight back his own laugher. Bones distantly mused this was perfect; just relaxing and enjoying one another's company, with no added stress. They should all do this more often.

"I know what I want to do. This here arcade's mine, and as I see it, you and your people are tying to take over. I don't like that." Bones said. This time, Jim couldn't help it, and let out a little snicker, before Bones grabbed his arm, holding it behind his back as if to arrest him. He then repositioned his laser to the back of Jim's head.

"I figure if I take out the leader, your little followers will be quick to scatter,"

"Never," Jim growled. "They'll never surrender to you!" Jim even spat on the floor, and when Bones spun him around and gave him an incredulous look, Jim grinned sheepishly.

"Too much?" he asked.

"Uh...just a bit," Bones assured him, and then they resumed the game. He turned Jim back around, and shoved him forward.

"Start moving," he snarled.

They'd only walked for about a minute, through a maze of halls and doorways, when they came upon the person Bones was hoping to come across. As his amber eyes fell upon them, Spock instantly straightened from his knealing posistion behind a wall, which had a window overlooking into another room. His brow scrunched up, and when he looked at Bones, the doctor almost shivered. Spock looked _pissed. _

_It's just game, it's just a game, _Bones repeated in his head. Then he made his face appear threatening.

"I have your leader, and if you want all his body parts to remain intact, I suggest you leave, now." Bones ordered.

"Spock," Jim said, sounding breathless. "Please, leave before you get hurt!"

Even Bones thought he sounded really sincere and worried. He tightened his hold on Jim's arm, and then shook him a bit.

"Quiet, you! Don't make me shoot you!"

From the corner of his eye, Bones saw Spock step forward, the laser in his grip being squeezed tightly.

"Drop your weapon, boy, or I'll kill him!" Bones said, bringing up the laser gun, and caressing it against Jim's temple again. Spock's jaw muscles clenched tightly beneath his pale skin, and he reluctantly dropped his gun. Bones wanted to laugh so hard, he had to lower his head to Jim's shoulder briefly to catch himself. When he brought his head back up, he was almost taken aback by the rage in Spock's eyes. The Vulcan didn't actuallt _look _mad; but it was just in the way he held himself, so stiff, and...menacing.

"Let him go, and I will not hurt you." Spock spoke, and his voice was so calm, that Bones felt Jim tense in his arms. He came to the same conclsion as Jim; Spock was convinced this wasn't a game.

"Spock, it's not real..." Jim started, but Spock ignored him, his eyes focused on Bones. Like a predator to his prey. Bones hastily let Jim go, shoving him away from him for effect, and then Spock was suddenly lunging at him, with Jim screaming frantically, "Spock, no!"

"Hey, I was only kidding!" Bones yelled, raising his arms if to fend off a blow. He dropped to his knees, and squeezed his eyes shut, waiting for the pain. When it didn't come, he hesitatingly opened his eyes...to see Jim hunched over, his arms wrapped around his middle as he was wracked by loud bouts of laughter. He laughed so hard, tears were streaming down his face. Spock was now next to Jim, no where near Bones, with his arms calmly clasped behind his back.

He regarded Bones with a subtle amused expression.

"Are you alright, Doctor? You seem quite alarmed," Spock said, and Bones flushed, and stumbled to his feet, feeling struck dumb.

"Hey! You tricked me!" he accused, jabbing a finger at Spock.

"Indeed. You forget Doctor, I have heightened senses, hearing for an example. I heard you lurking when Jim and I were supposedly alone, and came to the conclusion you would try 'shoot' one of us. It was expected you would go after Jim, so I allowed everything to happen."

Bones gaped.

"You're...you're so cunning!" Bones swore, and Jim laughed harder, his face not a slight red.

"W...what...?" he panted between laughs. "Can't take a little teasing, Bones? Remember; it's just...a game!"

"Yes, Doctor," Spock said, and Bones glared. "It is only a game. Surely you know that?"

Damn him; he was repeating back to him what he'd told Spock when Spock had refused to put on the vest. _Damn him._

Bones gave the couple a burning stare as Jim raised his hand, and Spock slapped it with a high five (Bones didn't know Spock did that!), and then stormed out of the room. Jim's laughter seemed to follow him as he walked, and he grit his teeth.

He'd get them all right. One of these days.

If only his laser gun had been real...

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A/N: So what do ya think? I couldn't leave it alone, and wanted to post this. Thanks for the responses of last chapter! ^-^


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